What does a madman with nukes have to do get people to believe him? Last week we came right out and said we had several nuclear warheads. Now does that sound like the type of thing I would lie about? No, of course not! I might lie about my age, or whether this is my real hair, or the size of my.... Never mind.

The point is that I would never, ever lie about nukes. I have them, period. So why do those imbeciles in South Korea continue to doubt me? I mean, are they deliberately trying to piss me off? Don't they realize I tend to get upset easily, and that I'm right across the border from them? Oh, and that I have nukes!?!?!

Maybe if I were to come down there and shove a 25 kiloton warhead up Minister of Unification Chung Dong-young's butt, people will start to believe me.

Did you miss me? What do you mean what do I mean? I haven't blogged in months! You people forgot all about me, didn't you? Well, you better not do that again, because I have nukes. Lots of 'em. And I'm not afraid to sell them on eBay to the highest bidder!

Yeah, all of a sudden you're ALL sorry you've been ignoring me, aren't you?

I mean, what is the deal with you people? Iran keeps denying it's developing nuclear weapons, but everyone keeps talking about them all the damn time. Then you have me, who freely admits to having several warheads sitting around--already built, assembled, and ready to go boom--and hardly anyone notices until I release another statement reminding the world that I'm still around!! Do you have any idea how frustrating that is!?!?!

Tell you what.... Give me a couple of million bushels of grain, and I'll go away for a few months.... At least until we get hungry again.