Slip Of The Tongue

This anatomically correct picture should help explain why I'm so popular with the North Korean people.... Well, at least the female ones.

Democracy Sucks

Hugo Chávez is such an idiot. Now don't get me wrong; I consider him a friend. Heck, we even roomed together during the 2005 DespotCon at the Havana Hilton. I remember we teamed up for a water balloon fight against Than Shwe and the rest of the delegation from Myanmar, or Burma, or whatever the hell they're calling themselves these days. The hallway was soaked by the time we were done!! Then we all chipped in for some Cuban hookers.

Anyway, back to Chávez. I had warned him not to let his citizens vote on his effort to become President for life. It's that kind of stupidity that makes us dictators look like buffoons. But did he listen? No, of course not, and his proposal to abolish term limits was defeated.

Don't look for him to give up, though. Chávez' current term expires in 2013, but I'm sure he'll still find a way to stay in office. Declaring a state of emergency is always a good one, but I don't want to tell him how to do his job.

Many critics refer to North Korea as being "evil." How evil? Well, this guy has it exactly right:

I'm Ba-ack

First, let me apologize for not posting in such a long while. Our country is so poor that the capitalist pig bastards at Comcast cut off my internet access for nonpayment. However, the United Nations recently came through with some foreign aid intended to feed our starving population. I immediately put the money to better use by paying off my cable bill.... Plus, I had enough left over to add HBO!!

Anyway, one of the first things that caught my eye was a disturbing news item about my buddy, Hugo Chavez. It seems he's running into serious trouble with some constitutional reforms he's been trying to get his citizens to pass. Among those measures is one to rescind presidential term limits in Venezuela. According to a recent poll, only 31% of his subjects favor it while 45% are opposed.

Now don't get me wrong: I love Chavez.... Er, in a non-romantic man-love kind of way, I mean.... Though he does have a nice ass. Anyway, what I mean is, that while think Hugo is a great guy, he just doesn't have the chops to be taken seriously as a despot. He's too busy worrying about his stupid constitution.

It was my father who taught me that the mark of any great dictator is to just ignore the law when it doesn't suit your needs. Don't waste your time trying to change it, or spend money on lawyers to look for loopholes. Just do what you have to do, which usually involves shooting your political opponents.

You'd be amazed how quickly the survivors will start to see things your way!