Wednesday, December 31, 2003

And that's another problem with capitalism: The rich are always looking to get richer by making the poor poorer.

And that's another reason our system is superior: Our people are already so poor, they can't possibly get any poorer!

Besides, the principle industry of North Korea is wading through rice paddies. And quite frankly, those are not the kind of jobs that are easily exported to other countries.

Friday, December 26, 2003

I love the United States. I really do. I can bad mouth them endlessly, constantly threaten them, continually berate them, and when they get tired of it, you know what they do?

That's right: They send me tons of food.

And there had better not be any of that mad cow beef in there either, because then I might just get pissed off. And I really don't think you want to be pissing me off.... I have nukes, you know.

Thursday, December 25, 2003

Once again, that fat pig of a capitalist, Santa Claus, has overlooked me.

I had a fairly simply wish list: A few more nuclear warheads (buying uranium on the international used arms market is quite expensive, especially for a nation that can't feed its own people. So if the opportunity for some freebies presents itself, I usually go for it); blueprints for developing MIRV delivery technology (that's like a quantity discount; several warheads for the price of one missile); and some long range ICBM's that can reach the east coast of the united States. Granted, I already have delivery systems that can reach the west coast, but what would be the point? The people in Berkeley and the rest of northern California are already unamerican communist sympathizers. Threatening them would be like me threatening Cuba!

Oh, and a train set. Preferably HO scale. With those little buildings that light up. And a locomotive that makes actual choo-choo noises.

But things will be different next year. I figure if my existing rockets can already reach parts of the continental US, then they can damn well reach Santa's workshop.

Monday, December 22, 2003

While I am most often addressed as "our dear leader" or "our beloved leader, builder of nuclear warheads for sale on the international black market" by my loyal ctizens, who are sent to work in rice paddies until they die if they DON'T address me as such, I am actually known by a number of other terms of endearment as well.

Sunday, December 21, 2003

I understand that the lure of capitalism can be quite seductive. Perhaps not as much as when Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks throws you a "come hither" look and starts bad mouthing George Bush, but still seductive nonetheless. Yet I would have expected Saddam to resist its lure, if only because of its close association with--what's that word he always used....? Infidels. Right.

Yet I see he has fallen prey to its evil appeal. Now granted, I can see a great athlete or celebrity signing one of those "endorsement deals" for some worthless exploitive consumer good, but Saddam? He's in jail, with no prospect of getting out anytime before the turn of the next millennium, so what does he expect to do with all the money he's making from this ad?

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Many countries are expressing alarm and concern that food aid destined for my impoverished.... er, I mean "wealthy" nation is about to run out and tens of millions may starve to death during the coming winter.

While I appreciate the world's concern, let me put your minds at ease: I and my family have PLENTY of food. But if you want to send us video games, that would be great.

Oh, and some porn would be great, too. I like to give those to my mistrsses. I tell them its "educational material," and to to study the tapes carefully.

Saturday, December 06, 2003

HAHAHAHA!!!!! I bet Saddam's going to be majorly pissed when he finds out about this!
For years he had been trying to buy a missile system from us, and we kept jerking him around, coming up with all kinds of stupid excuses. And the idiot kept saying, "Oh, okay, well, here's some more money." And that money bought me a LOT of hookers!!
What a fool.

No wonder he's the one who got his country invaded instead of me.