What does a madman with nukes have to do get people to believe him? Last week we came right out and said we had several nuclear warheads. Now does that sound like the type of thing I would lie about? No, of course not! I might lie about my age, or whether this is my real hair, or the size of my.... Never mind.

The point is that I would never, ever lie about nukes. I have them, period. So why do those imbeciles in South Korea continue to doubt me? I mean, are they deliberately trying to piss me off? Don't they realize I tend to get upset easily, and that I'm right across the border from them? Oh, and that I have nukes!?!?!

Maybe if I were to come down there and shove a 25 kiloton warhead up Minister of Unification Chung Dong-young's butt, people will start to believe me.