Scientists have detected a massive explosion some 12 billion light years from Earth. Now I know what many of you are thinking: That I was somehow behind it.

Well, I can't lie to my regular readers. I respect both of you too much.

The truth of the matter is that, well, um, yes, I was. It was my country, er, testing one of our many warheads. As you can see, the test was quite successful to be detectable halfway across the universe!

So you people had better start being nice to us. Some food would be nice.