Everyone is acting all nervous that I may be getting ready to conduct an underground nuclear test. Oh, settle down!! What's the worst that can happen? We miscalulate the yield of the warhead and split the Earth like a giant walnut? That's absurd! We're extremely careful, and we just don't make stupid, careless mistakes around here!

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Whoops, sorry about that. I spilled my bottle of gin all over the keyboard, but I took one of our secret underground tunnels over to Seoul and bought a new one. Oh, and a new keyboard as well.

We will, however, need a volunteer. This upcoming test has hit a snag because we don't actually have any wireless technology in North Korea. Consequently, someone will have to actually stand next to the bomb and push the button.

Any takers?