My original foray into American politics was, well, less than successful. I'm referring, of course, to my run for Governor of California last year. Quite frankly, once Arnold Whatshisname entered the race, I knew there was no sense in my staying in. After all, I don't want people to think I'm crazy!

However, I can not stand by casually on the sidelines during this far more important Presidential campaign. I, and my fellow America haters throughout the remaining communist world, other oppressed nations, and the greater metropolitan San Francisco/Berkeley areas realize that George W. Bush must be defeated.

That is why I am formally endorsing John Kerry for President. I urge all of you Jane Fonda and Michael Moore wannabes to vote Democratic this fall.

Yes, I stole the above photo from Little Tiny Lies. If you have a problem with that, I suggest you take it up with the United Nations.

And tell 'em to send us another million metric tons of grain--we're starving over here!