Monday, September 27, 2004

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

People sometimes say to me, "Hey, Kim! Surely you can't play with your nukes seven days a week! What do you do in your spare time?"

Well, actually, yes I can. Still, I have been toying with other weapons of mass disruption (I don't really want to kill people; I just want to f*ck with them). One of my more promising projects is manipulation of the weather. For example, at this very moment a hurricane that I have developed is marching towards the US! Perhaps you've heard of it? His name is Karl.... Karl Marx!

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Now that I have the world's attention, may I please have some food? A couple of million metric tons of wheat would be nice.... And a hot fudge sundae.... With whipped cream.... And a cherry on top.

Oh, and some nuts for the nut would be nice, too!

Actually, that was NOT a nuclear explosion. No, we were just bored and decide to blow up a, um, mountain. Yeah, that's it! A mountain! Deliberately, of course! It's not like we accidentally dropped a missile, thereby setting off a cataclysmic explosion.

Why would we blow up a mountain, you ask. A legitimate question. We, um, are in the process of, um, building a hydro electric damn! Yeah, that's it! A damn! Right on top of a mountain!

What's odd about that? Where do you build your damns?

And some other people are getting worked up over a deep hole we've been digging. They think it may indicate preparations for an underground nuke test, although they haven't seen us laying the cables that normally accompany such things.

Well, let me first say that I think it's pretty damn rude to snapping pictures with your spy satellites. Can't we have just a few moments of privacy? You people are as bad as the paparazzi that continually hound Gwyneth Paltrow and her new baby.

Besides, who needs cables for a nuclear test? Haven't you people heard of WiFi?

Oh, and hurry up with that sundae!