Friday, October 31, 2003

Once again, the world is witness to the double standards of the capitalist controlled Bush administration. During the last week, the sun has been rocked by massive explosions. And not just run of the mill teeny tiny dynamite explosions, either. We're talking huge nuclear explosions, more powerful than even all of the Earth's nukes combined could ever produce!!
But does the Bush administration condemn the sun's production of nuclear weapons? Does the Bush administration call on the international community to impose sanctions against the sun? Does the Bush administration run crying to the United Nation to pass some stupid resolution that isn't worth the paper it's printed on?
NO, of course not!!
But if little ol' me were to blow up one of MY nukes, Bush would be all over me like stink on a starving dog being cooked as someone's dinner!
It's just not fair.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

There's an old saying: Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're crazy.
Well, okay, maybe sometimes, but not always.

----------Tony Auth, Philadelphia Inquirer

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Friday, October 17, 2003

People sometimes say to me, "Mr. Dear Beloved Leader, what do you do when you're not threatening the imperialist running dogs of the corrupted capitalist world with instant fiery nuclear annihilation if they dare f*ck with us?" That's actually a very good, insightful question, considering that its coming from uneducated, illiterate rice farmers.
Well, for one thing, I'm a HUGE baseball fan, especially of the Chicago Cubs. I have fervently followed the team with great interest since I was a wee Dear-Leader-In-Training. So you can imagine my disappointment when they lost game 7 to the Florida Marlins. Obiviously, they were pressured to lose, since the governor of Florida just happens to be the brother of the President of the United States.
After I finished lamenting their loss, I felt I had to do something enjoyable to take my mind off the fiasco. After some consideration, I went to the "reeducation facility" in Wing Ding Wong and had all the political prisoners--er, I mean "students"-- gather in the courtyard. Then I personally shot them all one by one.
That always makes me feel better.
However, it is the events of game 6 that I find most troubling. How could that fool capitalist pig of a man, Steve Bartman, try to grab that ball? What in the name of Marx was he thinking? Didn't he realize that reaching out like that he would not only cost my beloved Cubs the game, but likely the entire series, and thereby prolong the curse of the goat? Not to mention pissing me off and bringing the world to the very edge of doom?
What a bonehead.
Anyway, once I am elected governor of California I shall have this "Bartman" kidnapped and brought before me in the new state capital of Berkeley.
That reminds me.... I really should schedule some campaign appearances. When is that election, anyway?

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

As most of you know, I am quite the atheist. In fact, all of us communist leader types are. There is simply no room for religion or concept of some higher being in our (nearly) Utopian societies.
However, I know that the western imperialists are big on that sort of thing. They've even come up with a "Ten Commandments" thing that was supposedly handed down by that god guy of theirs. And chief among those ten items is the "Thou shalt not kill" rule, which if adhered to, makes it damn hard to run a country.
Anyway, those Ten Commandments--and the Thou shalt not kill thing--are supposedly held dear by their religious leaders.
So imagine my surprise when I hear that Pat Robertson, one of their principle religious leaders, is advocating the slaughter of his own countrymen!! Yes, it's true!! He says he would like to use a nuclear bomb to blow up the state department!!
Hey, don't get mad at me. HE'S the one who said it!!
Anyway, if any of you run into Pat, feel free to give him my email address. If he's serious about looking for a nuclear bomb, I do have several available for sale. In fact, I'm getting to clear my inventory to make room for the new 2004 models.
Perhaps the two of us could work out a deal....

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

So when is that California recall election anyway? Next month? I should probably start scheduling some campaign appearances. This week is already booked pretty solid for me, so maybe I'll go to California next week.
Tonight I'm executing political prisoners. Then tomorrow I'm going to my uranium processing center in Dong Hung Lo. Thursday evening I'm volunteering as a candy striper at Our Great Leader Hospital Center. Oh, and then on Friday I have to get my hair done.
That's always an all day affair.

Saturday, October 04, 2003

That's right, we're making even more nukes. You can never have enough of those things, you know. And can you believe the Japs are upset with me, saying I broke some kind of promise? Yeah, like I'm going to pay attention to anything they have to say.
You gotta watch the damn Japs, you know. Otherwise they'll invade you, like they did with us in 1940. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Hey, maybe we'll start renting our nukes out as "Japanese/imperialist repellants."